Why a “trauma-informed” lens is helpful for us all.
For many stepping into the world of foster care for the first time, they may encounter difficult behaviors in children that seem shocking.
Understanding trauma is an important way that foster parents, care givers, child welfare professionals, or any adult in the child’s life can better understand these behaviors, and thus work toward building stronger, more stable relationships with children from vulnerable places.
This month, Project Belong sat down with Heidi Ivey, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in Winchester, Virginia to talk about what it means to be “trauma-informed.” Heidi has ten years of experience providing mental health services and six of counseling children and families who have experienced trauma, including foster and adoptive children.
Q&A with Heidi
How exactly do we constitute what trauma is?
Trauma can be any experience that causes a significant amount of distress (emotionally or physically) which causes one to have a very heightened response. Being trauma-informed means understanding that there can be significant events in an individual’s life that have developmentally and physically caused changes in their behavior, how they connect with others, and how they believe their needs can be met.
(For more on the science behind these developmental and physical effects, the video below is a great resource!)
How does an individual become trauma-informed?
Being trauma-informed is simply having an understanding that everyone is different.
You and I can experience the exact same thing and it can impact us in completely different ways. It is being open to individuals needing things to look a little bit differently, because their body responds a certain way to a stressor. Once the stressor is understood, there can be individualized support to meet that need.
How does trauma manifests itself with foster and adoptive children?
For some, it can be anxiety or depression. For others, it can be a constant state of hypervigilance. This can also look like being generally irritable and trying to cope in ways that may be problematic. Especially as they get older, that can be addiction, anger outbursts, or being socially withdrawn. For many who have experienced repeated neglect or abuse, it looks like difficulty forming relationships.
For younger kids, it can be physiological symptoms such as brain fog, an upset stomach or a headache. This general state of feeling unwell is really common with anxiety and PTSD. When they experience this discomfort, they may not have the words to articulate it, which can definitely lead to these adverse behaviors.
Many people see the symptoms and they want to fix it. But they have to understand, there’s a deeper cause for those behaviors.
What are some basics of trauma-informed principles that someone who is brand new to this world can begin to try applying to their everyday thinking?
There are three focuses that I think of when it comes to being trauma-informed:
1. Safety. Particularly for foster and adoptive children, it is most likely that they have experienced a traumatic incident. Even if it is just the separation itself, that is a traumatic experience. Providing safety is going to look totally different for each person.
Many people say, “We have a nice house, a nice bed, and they are still freaking out.”
But that might not be what the child defines as safety. If a loud house with a lot of noise and commotion is all they’ve known, that is typically what is comforting to them. It is important to look for how they experience safety. If fundamentally they don’t feel safe, it will be difficult to relationally connect or engage them in more advanced cognitive thinking. That applies to a foster home or a church setting for an hour a week. Safety has to be established.
2. Curiosity. Adopt a posture of curiosity. Child psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry talks about shifting our perspectives to wondering what may have happened to a child that has caused them to build such a negative behavior response. This posture can help in understanding the ultimate need the child is trying to meet. Then, one can better answer how to help them meet that need in a way that is healthy.
3. Consistency. It's important to consider that individuals in foster or adoption services have experienced a type of rejection. Individuals often feel dysregulated and struggle to find a sense of calm as a result of neglect or feeling alone. Often, I have concerned caregivers wanting the symptoms to be "fixed". It's hard to watch someone we care about struggle. Ultimately, we can't walk through this for them. This is a journey only the individual can go through. Statistically, we find that individuals who identify even one consistent support person show significant progress towards improved development of connection and personal goal achievement. So the biggest thing you can do is to be there and help them develop a consistent network of support.
“Individuals who identify even one consistent support person show significant progress towards improved development of connection and personal goal achievement.”
What are some examples of these principles playing out?
I’ve talked to many foster parents about struggles with their foster children over messy rooms. Many parents are frustrated that the child cannot abide by the rules and keep their room clean.
I usually ask them to consider being flexible if that is what the child needs to find safety and comfort. The child might need that in order to feel understood. And as the child learns to trust their caregiver, they might find that then the child can learn to adopt the rules.
Yes, it is important to teach rules and expectations, but with these kids, it is not the first priority. First, they need to know that who they are dealing with is safe. Once that happens, then a caregiver can begin to build off of that. Correction of behavior comes after establishment of trust.
Here’s another example: yelling. Sometimes, if a kid came from a household where everyone yelled, they are going to feel more comfortable if they are being yelled at. If the caregiver is not yelling at them, they might push your buttons until you do– because that feeling of being yelled at, though negative, is familiar and in a way more comfortable for them.
Yes, sometimes, it feels so "backwards" to those who have had positive childhood experiences. But if one can be curious and wonder what they need, there is often a compromise that will help both parties. Maybe the " good life" that the caregiver wants to offer them isn't what they actually need to feel accepted and be successful. The caregiver might find more success by being open to looking at it differently.
So what does this mean for me?
Dr. Bruce Perry says, “The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love.”
What if your church had multiple, caring adults who took the time to be mindful of a child’s trauma before stepping in?
We know that forming supportive relationships with consistent, caring adults is the most important way to help children recover from traumatic experiences and build resilience in children. What if you were that consistent network of support?
We hope this conversation sparks your imagination for how your community or church can be better equipped to serve vulnerable children. Project Belong is here for you if you would like more resources or guidance in adopting trauma-informed practices and spaces.
